State Your Needs...

Do you think the sun has the capacity to excrete its Vitamin D and release its endorphins into your body through white curtains in a window that is perfectly adjacent to your bed??  Come on, how powerful is the sun??  P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L!  So I guess that must be why I'm in such a good mood today.  Its still cold but I feel the comings of Spring-time weather teasing me--or rather, tickling me.  Oh, how I love the sun.  Oh, how I need the sun.  Are you one of those people who would rather skip a class than walk in late to it?  I certainly am.  And it took everything in me today just to walk in 3 minutes late to my 12 o'clock.  Fortunately God blessed my efforts and provided a seat right beside the door so that I could slip in with out making a scene.  I knew that I would rather put up with the awkward feelings of tardiness amongst my classmates and professors than feel lazy and useless if I didn't go to class.  Productivity results in self-actualization, in my opinion at least.  And another opinion I have is that Mario Kart is one of the best inventions of the Millenium.  My hand was rather sore this weekend and I was trying to figure it out for a day and a half or so.  Did I slug someone too hard?  Did I write with my left-hand too much?  Did I sleep on it unknowingly for far too long? Well I didn't arrive at the predictable answer until I kneeled down in front of the tv and heard the vroom vroom of the start of Mario Kart, placed my fingers on the controllers, and realized... THIS is why my hand hurts!  Idiot...total idiot.  New favorite obsessions? Go... sushi, Naked juice, pasta roni, Collagen Elastin, drinking water out of wine glasses, 7-11 as my choice of gas-station purchases, and wearing other people's clothes off my floor.  Yeah that last one...invasion of clothes in my apartment.  Everyone leaves their clothes and we are so busy that they get all mixed up like a cocktail of clothes.  Clothes in the living room...clothes in the kitchen...clothes in the bathroom...clothes on the dining room table....... so I hurry to get ready and grab a shirt here, a hoody there, a blazer here, some clogs there... and I have got myself a new outfit. Whose is it? Who wore it last?  Well...smell it and you can tell based on the cologne/perfume scent.  And we are all cleaner than Mr. Clean himself, so of course our clothes, underneath the perfume/cologne scents, smell of fine fabric softeners.  Ha... what other BS can I find to write about?  Ah...quite inversely proportional to BS actually...is...the fact...that...we are going to see Coldplay in Chicago this weekend... Its going to be beautiful.  Beautiful people, beautiful place, beautiful Chris Martin, beautiful COLDPLAY.   We've had these tickets for months, and the fact that THE weekend is finally on its way elates me more than anything at this time.  Tis time for class... and ps I graduate in a month.  From college.  Whoa.

<3.

and then there were times when life grabbed me, threw me around, spun me upside down, and dropped me off a cliff.  pretty much like an amusement park.  fun, but scary.  good, but bad. 

But then you always leave remembering the day as if it were the best one you ever had.

I'm gonna love remembering this part of my life.

Meeeeeetaaaaaaamoooooooorphaaaaaasiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...................... wish I was as pretty as a butterfly.  I used to draw butterflies all the time, especially during church.  I also had/still have a tropical beach scene I like to draw that looks the same every time I draw it and was probably invented from my little brain at the young age oooooooof....4. 

Really, though, I'm not sure there could be any more change going on in my realm of existence than this.  I'm writing this on Jen's computer in her bedroom while she's going back and forth between packing and reminiscing.  We've been reading old jounral entries to each other, which I know sounds boring, but for us...we have been through sooo much as individuals and together in the past 4 years.  We're in the last semester of college... we're about to start careers...move away...I'm getting married...

I have no doubt in my mind that I've taken for granted the security that after each summer apart, I will come back to my friends.  It used to be that I would look forward to the summers to get home to my real friends... and although I have maintained fulfilling and blessed relationships with those friends from home...it is here that my real friends are.  It is here where I have begun to grow up, developed my character, made my mistakes, and become the current person I am.  And ironically, I think its taken me all 4 years to come to some of these realizations...

As open and honest of a person I am, I've got walls.  And I don't think it has been until recently that I've let them all down.  What a vulnerable position...my humanity in all its flaws has been exposed....but my relationships have been strengthened and its in this vulnerable state that I find a foundation most clean and refreshing to rebuild upon. 

How good it feels to know that as imperfect as I am, I'm still loved.  It's still hard though, when I feel as though my identity has been one of a strong and stable girl...when really at times along the way I've been weak and all over the place.  Its still scary to learn to let this be seen... but not only do I feel more real, I feel that the love people have for me is more real...non-judgmental, unconditional, etc.   Man...people amaze me.

I'm fulfilled.  I am.  Blessed.  I am. 

I apparently don't know the difference between myself and my best friend.  She called me and left a message and for a minute I thought it was myself leaving a message.  I thought, "Oops... I called myself on accident!" Some may say I should know myself better than that, but I just say "kiss it" to that... cuz everyone should have a friend that close. 

PS  I bought my wedding dress today.(! x infinity).

Life=crazy.